Wednesday, January 3, 2007: carrying my cross.
i have been doing some serious blog surfing, and i was reading alot of some past schoolmates who are quite the havoc bunch, i guess, pretty much in the clubbing and drinking scene. as i read it i felt more and more tempted to live their life, which seemed to me at that time, certainly more interesting than mine was. it seemed like, their lives was so much more, in a sense, exciting than mine was. i felt like i was somehow denied of my right to party. and the more i surfed, the more i felt pent up emotions: i felt like such a loser, that my life wasnt as interesting and happening like theirs was. it wasnt as glamorous, neither did i have the kind of money they have to live the kind of lavishing lifestyle they lived in. perhaps a tinge of jealousness, at their clothes, their beauty, their figures. worst of all, i felt ashamed that the only thing i can talk about in my blog was about God.
as i looked on, i felt this strange feeling. why was i condemning myself? why should i look down on myself? i am special the way God made me, i have everything i need because i have my God. i find delight in the Lord, i find my purpose in Him who holds my future in His hands. Satan sure has a knack for making me feel incomplete; he knows my weaknesses, he knows where best to make me fall. i cant help but feel disgusted at myself - most of all the devil for leading me into temptation, for making me unaware of the dark corners that he has filled my life with. for making me place worldy values above Christ-like virtues. but,
i know that i am filled by His love (:
i dont feel empty, i dont feel lost
i dont have to find comfort in the arms of someone else
because i know that my God saves, and that He loves me more than anyone else can love me
Do not conform any longer to the parttern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes. Romans 1:16i am glad that i can feel God starting to change me. i am glad that i always have Him to turn to in times of temptations. (:
i feel better already.
God is good; His love endures forever.
a shout of praise.
2:18 AM
